“Knife Game” Proves Darwin Right

Colleen O'Brien, Staff Writer

YouTube is notorious for bad ideas. From dangerous stunts to embarrassing dance videos (which, by the way, your children will find someday), there’s always some new outlet for teen stupidity.

Now we can count the “Knife Game Song” as the latest addition to this destructive trend. In these videos, YouTube users put one hand on the table, fingers spread out as far as possible, while they hold a knife in their other hand. They then proceed to tap a knife in the spaces between their fingers at increasing speeds, all while singing a disturbingly catchy song that begins, “Oh, I’ve got all my fingers, the knife goes chop chop chop. If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off.” And believe it or not, it gets worse from there.

While no one seems to know for certain where it originated, the knife game, also known as “Five Finger Fillet,” was made popular by the 1986 movie Aliens. The trend then made its way to YouTube in August 2011 when user “Rusty Cage” performed the game and added the song, which, by the way, is available for download on iTunes (That is, if you are in favor of helping fund self-mutilation. But the way you spend your gift cards is your business).

However, the game didn’t go viral until March 2013 when Hannah Ellingseter, a 16-year-old girl from Norway, uploaded her own (thankfully successful) attempt. Since then, countless videos of people’s own renditions of the game have hit the web. Most remain unscathed, but there are several who emerge with blood gushing from their knuckles.

The “YouTubers React to Knife Game Song” video, however, is hilarious and I would highly recommend it. One of the interviewees cites Darwin by way of explanation for a person’s decision to join the knife game movement. I would have to agree.

I mean, if you’re dumb enough to attempt this pointlessly dangerous game, I say you deserve to have your fingers severed from your hand. Darwin knew a thing or two, and I’m sure that if he were here, he would concur that only the best and brightest deserve to be able to play the piano or wear a wedding ring.

I would consider myself a trusting person, and I truly think there is more good in humanity than bad, but seeing things like this makes me question whether humanity deserves so much faith. Are people really so desperate for attention that they’re willing to put their appendages on the chopping block, so to speak, just to rack up some views? Why not just upload a cute video of your dog instead? Fido can get you the same number of views, and you won’t have to pay in blood.

I don’t want to see you hurt yourself, and trust me, you don’t need a million views to prove your value as an individual.